Emo the Ostrich

Emo the Ostrich was walking through the woods. Then she saw an advertisement that said, 'you can work at a job mining seashells at a cave'. Emo the Ostrich left right away, so she didn't read the fine print that said, 'only if you are 18 or older!

Emo was five years old.

When Emo arrived at the cave, she asked the person who was running it if she could work there. He said, 'you definitely cannot, you don't look like you are 18 years old!

Then Emo said, "that's right, I'm 5."

So the manager of the cave said, "then you cannot work here. "Ahhhhh mannnnnn, I was hoping I could", said Emo.

Emo wanted to mine seashells anyway, so she walked right into the cave, grabbed a hammer, and then started banging on the rocks. She did not know how to mine, so she made a lot of noise but didn't get any seashells. Just little pieces of rock, flying everywhere.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Then a bear who was living in the cave and had donated the cave as a mining space to the manager, said 'Will you quiet down! I'm trying to sleep!

Ok I'll do my best, but I'm trying to mine and I don't know how to do it without being loud

So why dontcha stop mining then!?

Why would I do that,' asked Emo, innocently.

BECAUSE ITS DISRUPTIVE!

What does disruptive mean?, asked Emo. The circumstances of the present situation do not warrant a description such as 'disruptive', I do believe'.

The bear just stared at Emo, very surprised.

Emo shrugged, and then started banging on the rocks again.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

Not unless she finds one of the rainbow shells, right jefe,' joked the bear. 'Ha! that's right,' said the manager. I guess if we find rainbow shells in these parts, its no holds barred.

Outside the cave, Wally the Wolf had been watching this entire Act I unfold. And he had an idea.

Act II

As Emo was leaving the cave, head drooping low, Wally approached her.

Hi Emo, I saw what happened there. I'm impressed by your work ethic and mining technique. You've got a real future in this industry, it's nice to see the youth exhibit so much drive.

What does technique mean? asked Emo. I merely apply an extreme and isolated force against the substrate of the cave, with the intent of extracting valuable resources.

Wally just stared at Emo, very surprised.

Emo shrugged, and started off towards home.

"Wait, wait", Wally said, 'I've got an idea that I think you're going to want to hear about. You want to get onto the manager's work crew, right? Without that nosy bear making any trouble"

"Oh yes Wally, yes I do".

"Ok, so here's what we do. Tomorrow morning you meet me near the other cave, about a half mile from the Finnigan residence. Do you know the one I'm talking about?"

"Hmm, I'm pretty sure I do Wally"

"Ok. Bring your hammer and a lot of energy, I'll do the rest. See you tomorrow morning"

Act III

The next morning Wally showed up the cave very early. Emo was already there, banging away at rocks with her hammer.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Look at you go!", said Wally.

"I'm good at mining! Right Wally?"

"You sure are Emo. Great work ethic and technique."

"What does work ethic mean?, asked Emo. "If I apply my efforts towards my goal, with access to the proper means of production, I find that I can accomplish that which I have set out to do.

Wally just stared at Emo, then went to go take a nap under a nearby tree. Emo shrugged, then went back to work swinging her hammer.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

A couple hours later, Wally found Emo, still hard at work. Pieces of rock lay strewn about all around her. Wally gathered some up and then said, "now its time for my contributions".

Wally pulled a brightly colored jar out of his satchel, selected some appropriately sized rock pieces, and dipped them into the jar one by one. Then he laid them out in the sun to cure. Before long, Wally picked up a piece and said, "excuse my Emo, just a minute here. Take a look at what I just found."

"What is it," asked Emo, innocently.

"You've mined a very special rock! This is the rainbow seashell that the bear and the manager were talking about yesterday!"

"Wow," said Emo. "I knew I could be a good miner"

"That's right," said Wally. "You keep going, I'll look to see if there's anymore of these around here."

"Wally then filled his satchel with the painted rock pieces, and the two partners left the cave to go find the manager.

I've just got to make one quick stop at the Finnigan's house before we get there,' said Wally.

Act IV

"Are you trying to pull a fast one on me Wally?" asked the manager, suspiciously. "You're trying to tell me that that this 5 year old Ostrich was able to mine all these rainbow seashells? I've seen her work and so have you, Wally. You know she's just swinging that hammer around like a toy. Making a bunch of ruckus."

"What can I say" shrugged Wally, innocently. "The girl has a gift. Great work ethic and a solid technique."

"I'm not convinced she even knows what those words mean," said the manager. "I've called the Cops".

The Cops showed up shortly. They knew Wally, of course.

"Good afternoon, Agent Cherry."

"Wally. Seems you're up to your old tricks?"

"I didn't do anything. It was Frido, I swear."

"We talked to Frido. He claims it wasn't him. Says it was a bag of Fritos that done it."

Wally just stared, confused.

Just then, Charlie the chicken came walking through the woods. And behind him, there was Chuck. And Charles. And Charlie. And Charlotte. And Charlie. And Charles. And Chuck. And there was Charlie the upside down chicken. There were hundreds of chickens all of a sudden, walking through the woods, right by the cave where Wally and the manager were discussing the rocks in Wally's satchel.

"Huh," said Wally. How about we ask the Charlies what they think of these shells?"

"Hey, Charlie, come over here real quick. I've got a question to ask you."

"Hi, Wally" said Charlie. Charlie was nervous.

"What do you think of these pretty shells I've got here in my satchel. Do you think these are nice shells?"

"Yup", said Charlie.

"And how about you Chuck, and you Charles, what do you think. You too Charlotte, are these nice shells?"

Yup Yup Yup

Before Wally could even ask, all the other chickens joined in. 'Yup' 'Yup' 'Yup' 'Yup'".

"Well, there you go," said Wally. "The Charlies have spoken. Seems like they all agree, these rocks are legit."

"I suppose I can't argue with that," said the manager. "Everyone knows that the Charlies love the rainbow seashells, so if they like these rocks then they must be good. I'll take the whole lot of them, Wally"

"You've got yourself a deal. But since we're talking, what do you say about letting Emo join your crew. It would mean the world to her."

Act V

"We're talking about rainbow seashells here Wally, you know I can make an exception. Welcome to the team Emo!". Back at the Finnigan's house, Wally was helping the Charlies back into their coop. Emo could tell that the Charlies were very glad to be away from Wally.

"Here's your 30% of the profit Emo. Hard earned money for a job well done. You should feel proud of yourself"

"30%?' said Charlotte. "Wally, the kids only five years old, how could you do that to her?"

Wally snapped his head back at Charlotte and bared his teeth. Charlotte squeeked and ran into the coop.

"What does percent mean?"" asked Emo, innocently. "We divide the spoils in proportion to our contributions. To each what he needs, from each what he is able."

"Indeed, comrade," grinned Wally. "Indeed"