A history lesson

One morning in Rachel the Rabbit's class, Rachel the Rabbit was teaching her students about predators and prey.

Dolly the Deer raised her hoof. "Have we finished the mammal section yet?"

"Hmmm," said Rachel. "We've done bears, foxes, humans - that was a tricky lesson wasn't it? - and....yup, all the other mammals too. We have completed the mammals section, Dolly.

"So Wiwi isn't a mammal?" asked Fiona the Fox.

"What is Wiwi?" asked Penny the Porcupine.

"Wiwi is the largest land animal in Antartica," said Dolly. "Everyone knows that."

"Ya I know, but if Wiwi isn't a mammal, then what is he?" asked Fiona.

"I'm glad you asked," said Rachel. "Our next section will be about bugs. Wiwi is a bug. But we've finished our predators and prey lesson for today. Now we're going to start a history unit. We're going to learn about the exotic animals of the lakehouse forest and how they got here!"

"I'm not exotic," said Penny.

"I'm not exotic," said Fiona.

"I'm not exotic," said Dolly.

Willy the Warthog's class was taking a field trip in the Ampitheater right near Rachel's class.

"I'm not exotic," said Emo. "Exotisicm is a social construct anyway. It's a subjective indication of one's own normative references. It says more about the speaker than it does about the subject. Exoticism is not a biological fact, unless my senses do defy me!"

"Ya, ok Emo," said Clem the Chameleon.

"You're exotically intelligent," said Titi the Turtle.

"What I mean is," said Rachel. "Some animals are exotic to the forest. Like Wiwi, who would normally live in Antartica.

"Wiwi isn't exotic," said Penny.

"Wiwi isn't exotic," said Fiona.

"Wiwi isn't exotic," said Dolly.

"Wiwi is exotic to the forest, like oxygen is to outerspace," said Emo. "A most ubiquitous element but rare to find outside of its context."

"Ya, ok Emo," said Clem.

"You're exotically intelligent," said Titi.

Rachel sighed. She knew that she was never going to get anywhere in her history lesson with these animals. "Ok, let's do reading," Rachel announced to the class. "Everyone has to read Chapter 1 of Woby Wick by Charles Chickens. That's your assignment for this week. Eventually you will be writing a book report on it. And your history assignment is finding an animal that's exotic in the forest, and writing a brief summary of how it got here."

***

WOBY WICK

by CHARLES CHICKENS

Prologue

Once there was chicken sailor, named Chahab. He was sailing in the lake near Mr. Finnigan's lakehouse. He was hunting sperm whales. Not many people knew that there were whales in the lake. But Chahab's family had been hunting these waters for generations.

Suddenly, and very unexpectedly, an enormous sperm whale leapt out of the water, landed on the boat, and bit off Chahab's leg!

Before the whale returned to the water, Chahab, squinting through his pain, saw that the whale was wearing a name tag: "Woby Wick".

Act 1

"Call me Woby Wick".

Two years have passed since I bit of Chahab's leg. He's been hunting me ever since. But I can go deep down to the bottom of the lake. Deeper than anyone knows I can go. And don't call me a criminal! All I did was come up for air, and it was an accident when I bit off his leg. Remember, he was hunting me. And his family has been hunting my kind for generations. I was merely minding my own business, trying to live at peace.

These days, the Charlies use us whales for more things than ever. Which means they hunt us more and more. More than ever. I hear they make crayons out of us! And lightbulbs and post-it-notes too!

And also, for some reason I'll never understand, they've been recording themselves say "balk balk balk balk", and then playing the recording underwater in the lake. It's very annoying!

And sometimes they even use the lake as a landfill. This is our home! The Charlies must be stopped.

Since Chahab leads the whale-hunting parties, me and my comrades have vowed to get the rest of his body that I left behind. Long live the sperm whales of Lakehouse Lake!

Fiona's Book Report

This isn't on the test, but I know how to speak Chicken. So I know that "balk balk balk balk" means that the sperm whale hunters are the good guys, and the sperm whales are the bad guys. So, is this supposed to be a cliff hanger? If it is, I got it all wrong. Also, Woby Wick is obviously not a criminal. I saw the picture on the front of the book, Woby isn't wearing an orange jumpsuit and carrying a bag of money. If he was a criminal, that's what he would be doing, right? So he's not a criminal. And if Chahab really thinks that Woby is a criminal, then Chahab must be a big liar.

Penny's Book Report

The sperm whale kids are very lucky. They get to take field trips to the bottom of the lake! Why can't we go on field trips like they do? Every day in school we sit around this forest and read about other places. It would be awesome if we could go visit one of them once in a while! I'd really like to go check out that mine that Emo was talking about. I bet They probably don't have mines like that in Antartica. Or pretty colored rocks. I heard Antartica is totally covered in snow! No wonder Wiwi likes it here so much. Anyway, I think the sperm whale hunters were wrong and bad.

Dolly's Book Report

Dear Ms. Rachel. I'm sorry that I do not have a book report to deliver. I was trying to write it all weekend but I kept hearing things in the forest and running away. I never brought my pencil and paper with me, so I spent a lot of time hiding, but not a lot of time writing. Wait. what that sound? Sorry Ms Rachel, I've got to go.

Fiona's History Report

So I think that Woby Wick is exotic to Chahab the Chicken's boat. Because if he was on the boat, Chahab the Chicken would kill him. Which is mean. And is also very much a fact. At least as much as Charles Chickens is concerned. At least that I know of.

Penny's History Report

I've got something exotic. It is a rock. A very special rock. The...drum roll please...rainbow seashell! Remember that mining place? There are a lot of them there. I heard Emo the Ostrich got like 2 million of them, or something. I only have a couple. but they are my favorite rocks. They are so shiny and glimmery and special. I don't know how Emo found them. She must be a really good miner. I don't know much about any other rocks. But I know that there are brown ones, and black ones, and white ones. And some of them are even yellow!

Dolly's History Report

Dear Ms. Rachel, I did not have any time to work on my history report. Or my book report. But I know that oxygen is exotic to outer space, just like Emo said. How does Emo know that by the way? Anyway, is that good enough for me to pass this class? Love, Dolly the Deer. P.S. I hear a sound, I gotta run Ms Rachel I guess I'll see you in class!

***

Rachel spent that evening grading the animals reports. She did not think much of them. The highest grade in the class was Fiona's history report, which she gave a D+. Every other report in the class was given a D-. Nobody got an F, however the animals also didn't really pay attention to their grades. It's unclear why the animals go to school.