The Chickens Come to the Foresthood School

Our school has been overrun by chickens

OFFICIAL MEMORANDUM OF THE FORESTHOOD SCHOOL

From the desk of the DA PRINCIPAL

School Year 2024 - 2025

Dear Superintendent:

I write to inform you of the issues we have faced so far this year at the Foresthood school.

The problems began at the start of the summer, when enrollment began. We have been overwhelmed with a number of new students. Specifically, the chickens from Mr. Finnigan’s lake house.

The chickens were very diligent in submitting their enrollment forms. The problem is that our systems are designed to enrol around 10 kids per year. We were very busy attempting to handle nearly 1,000 additional students. In fact, we still do not know how many chickens there are. There are utility closets in the school still filled to the ceiling with boxes of enrollment forms. We have no expectation of when these forms will be processed, if ever.

On the first day of school all of the chickens arrived early. We had no means of determining which students were to be assigned to which classroom. They mostly figured it out themselves. Ms. Rachel attempting to conduct attendance for her class of nearly 500 chickens and 3 other animals. She started her list by reading the name “Charlie”. She reports that over 400 chickens raised their hands and yelled “Balk Balk heeeeere balk balk.” There were also 20 Charlottes, 15 Chucks, and sundry other C-names. Other classrooms reported similar experiences.

The chickens are very diligent regarding their attendance. They show up every day. However, we do not have nearly enough classrooom materials for everyone. In addition, we cannot tell whether the chickens are coming to the same classrooms each morning. This has made it very difficult to maintain a consistent curriculum.

Although the chickens are cleary very invested in their educations, and attempt to be model students, they cause quite a bit of disruption, aside from the fact that we cannot tell them apart. For instance, they are constantly squakking and bickering.

We have also had a problem ensuring their safety in the presence of our carnivorous students (and teachers, unfortunately). As an example, it was reported that Fiona the Fox forgot her lunch at home one day last week. When the bloody chicken carcus was found in the cafeteria after the lunch hour and Fiona was questioned, she claimed that she thought the chicken she’d found was already dead. Others have claimed that the chicken in question was merely napping. Regardless, we cannot have our students eating each other at lunchtime.

We are trying to deal with this issue as best we can, but we seek your help. Please let us know what assistance you can provide.

Sincerely,

DA PRINCIPAL

OFFICIAL MEMORANDUM OF DA SUPERINTENDENT

Dear Principal:

Just kick out the chickens.

Sincerely,

DA SUPERINTENDENT