The Chicken Revolution
Act I
It was a very sunny day in the lake house. Mr. Finagan was out fishing, so his two thousand (give or take) chickens took the opportunity to get out of their six-by-ten-foot chicken coop. Charlie No. 23 and Charlie No. 876 waddled around aimlessly, enjoying the sunshine. But they were not completely care free. There was always the threat of Wally the Wolf, the dangerous evil chicken-eater who was also the mayor.
“We’ve got to do something about Wally!” Charlie No. 23 told Charlie No. 876.
“We do.” His friend agreed.
“Wait. One second.” Charlie No. 23 ran back into the chicken coop and grabbed his fake mustache.
“Great! Now I can think.”
“You don’t need a mustache to think!”
“You need a mustache to stroke.”
“True enough.” Charlie No. 876 ran inside the coop and grabbed his own mustache.
Charlie No. 301 suddenly let out a scream. “Chickens! Inside now! Wally is attacking!”
Inside the coop, the chickens were crammed in so tightly they could hardly breathe. “We should do something about this, too,” Charlie No. 23 suggested.
“We should!” Chuck No. 19 agreed. “And I know just what to do. Chicken revolution!”
“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” The chickens agreed, throwing their thinking mustaches in the air like college graduates.
“When did we learn French?” Charlie No. 23 asked Charlie No. 876.
“It’s a lifestyle.” Charlie No. 876 shrugged. “Viva la revolution!”
That afternoon, when Mr. Finagan returned, the chicken coop was not like he had left it. Neither were the chickens.
The chicken coop was decorated to look like a French town (don’t ask me how they did that) and Mr. Finagan could hear the chickens screaming the original broadway cast recording of Les Mis.
“Hmmm. Did something important change while I was gone?”
“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!”
“I’m pretty sure that means yes.”
Act II
Meanwhile, the chickens moved on to their next step: Making their names sound French. Charlie became Charlois, Cherry became Cherie, Chuck became Chuqes, Charles became Charleas, and so on.
The smartest chicken in the coop, Charlie-no, Charlois- No. 17, had a book on the French Revolution. Charlois No. 1, the leader of the revolutionaries, demanded that Charlois explain the whole thing in Meeting One of the Chicken Revolutionary Council.
Absolutely no one in the council understood a word he said.
So a council member named Cherie No. 12 suggested a book called “DIY Your Own Revolution”.
The other council members agreed that this was PERFECT.
“Viva La Revolution!” They agreed.
Charlois No. 17 could not believe the Chicken Revolutionary Council would agree to such a thing. He stormed out of the meeting tent.
Nobody noticed. They were too preoccupied with DIY-ing the French Revolution.
Step #1:
Get mad at somebody.
“Hmmm….” They said. “Who are we mad at?”
“If only there was someone who ate our friends and family and that we live in fear of.” Charlois said. “That would make this easy!”
“Wait!” Cherie exclaimed. “How about Wally the Wolf?”
“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” The council called out unanimously.
Charleas No. 76 crossed out Step #1.
That afternoon, Charlois No. 1 gave a speech to the people. He started with a song from Les Mis, obviously.
Then he got to the good stuff.
“Good people of the chicken community!” He called out in a perfected french accent. “We have hated Wally the Wolf for many centuries!”
“Si!” Someone in the audience called out.
“We speak French, Charleas! Not Spanish!” His friend shushed him.
“Oh, sorry. Oui!”
“Like I was saying, we simply despise Wally,” Charlois continued. “And now we have a revolution going on. Therefore, we can base our revolution on hating Wally!”
The crowd cheered, all except for one chicken. “Wasn’t that the whole point in the first place?”
Nobody heard him.
“But,” Charlois added, “why stop there? Is Wally the only one who has ever done us wrong?”
“NO!” The crowd responded.
“Precisely! Who else has been horrible to us? Who has trapped us in this coop?”
“MR FINAGAN!”
“Oui.” Charlois took a bow and walked away from the crowd.
Act lll
Dolly the Deer was walking to school excitedly for what was perhaps the first time in her life. The night before, the teachers had sent a email to her parents saying that that day, a special guest would be coming in. Charles-sorry, Charleas-No. 2 of the Chicken Revolutionary Council!
Dolly’s best friend, Penny the Porcupine, caught up to her in the middle of the walk. “Can you believe that they’re giving us a special guest visit?” Penny sounded more annoyed then excited. “Why couldn’t we just take a field trip to the coop?”
“I think it sounds fun,” Dolly said defensively.
“I guess.” Penny shrugged.
Rachel the Rabbit smiled at her class when they arrived. “Please welcome Charleas No. 2!”
“Hi,” Dolly, Penny, and Fiona said in unison.
A chicken walked out of the shadows of the classroom in an extremely creepy way. “Hi, I’m Charleas, and this is how you do revolution stuff.”
Charleas pulled a whiteboard out of his backpack, as well as a handful of brightly coloured markers.
He grabbed a red one and drew a big circle on the whiteboard.
“This is YOU.”
He drew a wolf eating the circle. “This wolf EATS YOU.”
“I like where this is going,” Fiona whispered to Dolly.
“Therefore, YOU PUNCH WOLF-”
“Wait, what?” Penny exclaimed.
“-and have victory, but you are NOT DONE.”
“Ooh, suspense!” Dolly said.
Charleas drew a human putting chains on the circle.
“Human TRAPS YOU.”
“How rude!” Penny interrupted.
“What do YOU DO then?”
“Punch him?” Fiona suggested.
“No, that is a notoriously bad idea.”
“Rude!” Fiona said grumpily, while crossing her arms.
“Here’s the real answer: You stage a real revolution!”
“Cool!” Said Penny.
“You use bargaining chips, murder, death, and destruction baguettes-”
“Say WHAT?” Dolly yelled.
“And man’s best friend, the murderous type of French bulldog.”
“That sounds like a French-style revolution,” Fiona whispered to Dolly.
“Exactly!” Charleas exclaimed.
“You will have a FRENCH REVOLUTION and murder all those who get in your way!”
“VIVA LA REVOLUTION!” Ms. Rachel’s class agreed.
Charleas took a bow. “Any ideas for your own revolutions?”
“The Field Trip Revolution!” Penny yelled. “Viva la field trips!”
“The Wally Revolution!” Fiona cried. “Leave food for the foxes!”
“The Stop Scaring Me Revolution.” Dolly muttered.
“Bravo, Charleas!” Ms. Rachel stepped in. “Okay, class, for your homework tonight
you need to explain your revolution in detail. Now go home! I need some aspirin.”
Act lV
Penny’s Report
My revolution is called The Field Trip Revolution. Why? Because we NEVER GET FIELD TRIPS! This cannot stand!
The enemies of my revolution are Principal Ralph, who openly refuses to give us a field trip no matter how hard poor souls like me try. He has trapped us in school!
And the guy eating me? That’s a hard one. Mayor Wally, duh! He won’t give the school funding for field trips.
The field trip revolution will prevail! Viva!
Fiona’s Report
My revolution is called the Wally Revolution. Charleas probably wouldn’t like it. Basically: You all know who Wally the Wolf is, right? If not, get educated! If yes, then I’m sure you’ve heard the rumors: Wally steals chickens from Mr. Finagan! I can tell you for sure, they’re true. Confession Time: the fox family is up to their knees in the very same shenanigans.
And Wally the Wolf refuses to share.
Yes, I know chicken stealing is technically illegal. But STILL.
Dolly’s Report
Please stop scaring me, guys.
Act V
Chuques No. 11, a perfectly normal soldier in the Chicken Army, watched in satisfaction as his team vandalised the Finagan household.
Revolution was messy. The CRC had grown huge, the army was full of volunteers, but strangely, neither Wally or Mr. Finagan had noticed a thing.
The chickens were ready to act.
Chuques most of all.
“Chuques!” Chuques’s commander, Charlois No. 23, handed Chuques a small envelope. “Charlois No. 1 has a proposition for you.”
Chuques opened the folder. “A commander?” He exclaimed. “Is this real? Is it an early April Fools joke?”
“It’s January, Chuques,” Charlois replied. “Pretty sure it’s real.”
Chuques’s new team was stationed outside Wally’s house. It was the most dangerous post in the war, but Chuques and his team were up to the challenge.
“Chickens! Alert!” Chuques ordered quietly. “Wait. Two..three…now! Charge!”
The chickens charged.
“Viva La Revolution” was their battle cry.
“What the-” Wally was understandably very surprised.
Chuques was promoted, again. His battles were all victory. Soon he was on the CRC!
And then he became it’s leader.
“Viva Chuques No. 11!” Chickens yelled whenever they saw him.
“Long live the revolution’s leader!”
“2, 4, 6, 8! Chuques 11 is pretty great!”
“Viva La Revolution!” He would respond. “Viva the people!”
Act Vl
Wally and Mr. Finagan had a meeting over snail mail. (They refused to meet face to face. Too much history.)
Letter #1
Dear Mr. Finagan
I am sure you have noticed what is going on with your chickens these days. Normally I would blame the fact that you raised them (no offense!) but seeing that they have done the same to you, it is clear that this is a special case.
Mister Mayor Wally
Letter #2
Dear Wally
Oui.
Letter #3
Dear Mr. Finagan
I’m sorry?
Letter #4
Dear Wally
I’m terribly sorry, my chickens are rubbing off on me.
Letter #5
Dear Mr. Finagan
It’s quite all right. We both know what to do about these chickens, yes?
Letter #6
Dear Wally
We most certainly do.
Cherie No. 975 held up the intercepted letter. “That’s all there is, Chuques,” she said apologetically.
“No need for that tone, Cherie,” he replied. “I’ve learned all I need to know.”
“Wally and Mr. Finagan attack tonight.”
Act VII
Every soldier in the Chicken Army waited by the door of the coop. According to Commander Chuques, Wally and Mr. Finagan were bring reinforcements. The chickens needed to be ready.
“Charge!” They screamed.
“Viva la revolution!”
“2, 4, 6, 8! The revolution’s super great!”
“1, 3, 5, 7! Wally the wolf is going to heaven!”
Victory for the chickens!