A Lakehouse Podcast by Fiona the Fox and Emo the Ostrich

Episode One: Welcome to A Lakehouse Podcast! Fiona: My name is Fiona the Fox, and welcome to the new podcast I’m making with Emo the Ostrich! Oh my god, I can’t believe that we’re actually making one! Emo: This is going to rule! F: So, Emo, we’ve never actually worked together on anything at school. E: Maybe that’s because we’ve never been in the same class? F: Yeah. I’m so excited to work on this with you. E: Well, Fiona, I guess we should tell the listeners what this podcast is going to be about? F: Yeah. Well, Emo and I are going to have a different guest star most of the time. We’ll talk to them. But other times we will have no guest stars at all, and we’ll talk about our own topics. E: I have some very good ideas. F: No spoilers, Emo! Don’t make this a repeat of our play. E: A play that is one of the topics. F: SPOILERRRRRRRR! E: Is that what a spoiler is? F: Yeah..oh boy. E: Spoilers are a social construct made to dim down our own insecurities! F: What? E: What? F: Nothing. Well, anyway, I hope you guys tune in to our new podcast!

Episode Two: Field Trips with Penny the Porcupine
Emo: Welcome to the first real episode of our podcast! Fiona: Today, our guest star is Penny the Porcupine. Hey, Penny! Penny: Hey, guys! Ready to talk about field trips? F: Um…. E: We have gotten a good dose of that from school, Penny. Perhaps we should move onto slightly more profound topics? What does trip mean? P: Great vocabulary, Emo! E: It’s a personal journey. P: Good luck! E: Thanks, Penny! F: So, Penny, what made you love field trips? P: I was inspired by Dylan the Dolphin. F: Um, who? P: The field trip protester! He was at the Lakehood School a few years ago. E: Oh, Lakehood. All: Lakehood is fake-hood and Foresthood rules! F-O-R-E-S-T-H-O-O-D and Guac! Guac, mm! Guac, mm! F: Oh-listeners, that’s our school song. Our principal composed it. P: I’ve got a few words to say about HIM. E: Oh, we know. E and F: He didn’t let us on a field trip! It is a disgrace! P: Very funny. F: If you could go to one place for a field trip, where’d you go? P: Ancient Egypt! I’ve always wanted to meet Psamtik the Porcupine, ancient field trip protester. E: Let’s say no Time Machines, Penny. P: Antarctica. To meet Wiwi again! F: Oh my gosh, Wiwi! I miss you! E: He was sooo nice. So big and loud, too. P: What if we were exchange students at his school? F: So fun! But I don’t think Principal Ralph would let us out of the continent, Penny. Too expensive. P: You guys are really limiting me. How about New York City? E: Wait. Yes. F: Penny. That…that might actually happen. P: And ALL MY OTHER IDEAS won’t? F: Sorry, Penny. But just think of the possibilities! E: This might happen. This might happen. AHHHHHH! P: You guys suddenly lovveee field trips, huh? E: When they’re not a distant, unachievable dream? Sure. P: Hmm. See you next time, listeners! E: Hey…
F: That’s our job! P: BYE!

Episode Three: The Olympics with Titi the Turtle! Emo: Today were joined by Titi the Turtle, Olympic runner, my best friend. Fiona: She’ll be telling us about this year’s Olympics! Titi: Hi, I’m Titi the Turtle, and I recently won gold in the women’s 100 meter hurdles after winning silver last time. My fiercest competitor was cheetah Chaylee, who is actually one of my very good friends. She got silver, but it was close! F: Right. Now listeners, Titi is not a tortoise. Tortoises are slow. Titi is a turtle, completely different, of course she can compete in the Olympics. T: I know about a lot of sports in the Olympics. Would you like to hear about them? E: Oh yes, spill all, Titi! T: Well, the Tanzania Lions were the champions of basketball. F: Oh, yeah. Aren’t they all real lions now? T: Yeah, the last human on there got traded. Now they’re very terrifying. E: Eh, they always were. We love you, Leo! Have fun on the all-human American team! T: Avery the Antelope won backstroke 100m swimming, Diana the Donkey won Freestyle 50m swimming, Oscar the Orangutan won Breaststroke 200m, Tanya the Tiger won Butterfly 200m, Lois the Lemur won won IM 400m, and Kate the Kangaroo won freestyle 800m. And that’s all I have memorized. F: Wow, all land animals? T: Pretty much. Rondi the Rhino won the Women’s Individual Recurve in archery. Samuel the Shark won Men’s individual. E: Oh yeah, I saw that. People were saying it was unfair that one competitor got to shoot IN WATER while the other was a four-thumbed koala. They weren’t sure whether four thumbs made it easier or harder, though. T: Bianca the Bee won individual èpèe for fencing. F: Looking like a floating sword, because you couldn’t see her at all. E: Rumour has it she was glued on cause she couldn’t hold it. T: Bianca is strong. Don’t underestimate her, Emo. Gina the Giraffe won the 1000m canoe sprint in canoeing, Rose the Rattlesnake won the women’s individual all-around in gymnastics, Maya the Moose won women’s singles in tennis, and Maya and Wilhelmina the Wolf won women’s doubles. E: Wilhelmina? She lives right next door to me!
F: Isn’t she engaged to Wally the Wolf? T: She is. He proposed at the tennis game when she and Maya won. E: Aw, that’s sweet. Is she First Lady now? T: EMO. HE’S THE MAYOR, NOT THE PRESIDENT.
E: What’s a president?
F: Oh, boy. E: The tropical pineapple is a unique, multi-layered fruit that grows from a spiky plant. Its vibrant golden flesh contains powerful digestive enzymes and delivers a remarkably refreshing, sweet flavor. F: Pineapples? E: “Long sentence about pineapples.” It’s my Weekly Challenge on Billy the Bee’s big words. F: Oh okay. Cool. Well, this episode is pretty long. Tune it next week, listeners!

Episode four: Billy The Bee’s Big Words Explained Fiona: Hi, listeners! Today it’s just Emo and I, no guest star, because Emo is talking about an app called Billy the Bee’s big words, and that’s kind of her thing. Emo: I’ll be explaining how to sign it, how to gain points, and my personal experiences with it. F: Obviously it’ll be four hours long, then. E: Fiona is grumpy because I will be making her an account as an example. You all can follow along! Now, step one is to get the app, it’s free. Step two is to make a username. Step three is to take the Language Assesment, so it knows your level. Then once you’re all signed in, you will have a notification pop up: a big word! Ok, Fiona got “ODOROUS.” Go to the dictionary icon and press on it. Look up the word and then click on the notification to use it in a sentence. F: This app is odorous!
E: If you get it right you’ll hear a ding, and if you get it wrong you’ll hear a fart. Okay, Fiona got the fart. Apparently apps “do not have smells.” F: Stinky socks are odorous! E: She got the ding! Next word. “Abate.” F: The clouds abated after the rain went away. E: Ding! Ok, it’ll send you ten words. <a few seconds later> F: Finished! E: Great! Let’s go to the leaderboard. For those ten words, the app gave you 20 points. Now you’re fourteenth in your skill level. F: How do I get more points? E: Well, whenever it gives you ten more words you’ll get some. Sometimes it’ll give you a spelling test, where it’ll play words and you type them. And there’s also a memory game where they flip all the words and their definitions over and you try to match them. F: Okay. E: Also, it’ll give you a Weekly Challenge, and you’ll record you doing that challenge for it. You can record you doing all sorts of stuff where you use big words and they’ll give you points for that, too.
F: What’s my weekly challenge? E: Use antidisestablishmentarianism in a sentence. F: You smell like an antidisestablishmentarianism! E: 50 points, Fiona. Top of the leaderboard! But the app sent you a note. “Please think of the meaning of the word next time. Do antidisestablishmentarianisms make smells?” Nice one. F: Huh, I kinda like this. I get to insult you and be at the top of some leaderboard. E: Sure, that’s one way to put it. F: Tune in for next week!

Episode Five: New Movies with Gigi the Giraffe Emo: Hello listeners! Today we’re interviewing someone who loves a good movie about some new movies! Fiona: It’s Gigi the Giraffe herself! Gigi: Hey guys! F: How’s Port Jervis Middle School, Gigi? G: Oh, nothing beats Foresthood. E: Especially not Lakehood. F: So what’s one movie you’ve seen? G: Forest Explorer, starring Janet the Jellyfish. It’s about a jellyfish named Jane, played by Janet, who crosses a lake in a little raft and winds up in a whole new forest, where animals are being hunted to extinction. All the humans are CGI. E: Sounds great! How was it? G: It was really good. You know, Janet’s a Foresthood alumni. They brought in a tank and everything so she wouldn’t have to go to Lakehood. Foresthood was always her dream. When I was four, she was twelve actually. F: So you knew her personally! G: Not personally. We didn’t talk much. There were thirteen kids in the school back then. Four people in my class. F: Any other movies? G: Ugh, you had to see Tree Climb Free Fall. There are these beavers, Bertha and Bennett, played by Biriya and Benji the Beaver, and they want to climb the tallest tree in the forest. And they try to. And there’s this whole civilization up there, called Treeland. It was so good. I like, cried. Of happiness.
E: I saw Good Morning, Mrs. Fish in theaters. Sooo sad. G: Emo. Good Morning, Mrs. Fish is 12+. You are six. But yeah, it was pretty great. Good Morning, Mrs. Fish is about this shark named Susan who says good morning to this elderly lady who lives next door, Mrs. Fish, every morning. And then she goes missing. Soooo good. Soooo sad. Very 12+. F: Did you see any movies you didn’t like, Gigi? G: Too many to count. Three Days Later, No Time For Freeze Tag, Chickens Run Away, Mia’s Chance, a bunch of ones that were so dull I forget their names. E: You didn’t like Chickens Run Away? It was so funny. G: I genuinely didn’t like it only because it is directed to six year olds and I didn’t realize that. If you’re Emo’s age, sure, you’ll love it. Eight or older? Pretty boring. E: Oh. Fine. F: I’m definitely gonna see Tree Climb Free Fall. I loved Biriya the Beaver in Hunt for the Lady of the Woods. I saw that movie right when it came out! G: That one was amazing! Also? It was 13+! And came out when you were eight! I was only allowed to see it recently. What is wrong with you two? F: Gigi. When you were seven and I was four, you came to school and bragged about seeing an R-rated movie. A HUMAN-MADE R RATED MOVIE. At seven years old. G: Fiona! My mom wasn’t supposed to know that! F: Oops! Sorry! E: I hope our listeners learned some good movies to watch, and their age ratings. See you next time! F: Byyyee!

Episode Six: Life In The Coop with Charlie the Chicken Fiona: Welcome to another episode of our podcast. This time, we’re going to learn about the chicken coop. Emo: Our guest is none other than Charlie the Chicken!
Charlie: Hello, Emo and Fiona! E: Hi, Charlie! How’re your babies? C: Cherry and Charlotte are just learning to walk. They’ll be enrolled in the Coophood School soon. E: Awww! C: Today I’m going to tell you a story. F: Tell all, Charlie! C: I used to be known has Charlie The Upside Down Chicken. But one day, I started standing on my feet instead of my arms. It happened like this. I am a teacher at the Coophood School, where my class is 53 kids. I was walking in in a handstand when one kid yelled: Mr. Charlie! A fire! And there was a fire! I was trying to throw my water bottle on it to put it out, but by lifting my arm up to throw it I collapsed! And I realized that I couldn’t properly react to an emergency in a handstand. So I stood up, put the fire out, and became Charlie the Standing Normally Chicken. E: Great story. F: Tell us more about the Coophood School. C: I’m aware that Foresthood has three grades per class. Coophood? It has twelve grades per year. For example. January 2018 is one grade, with three classes, each with FIFTY students. Coophood is ages four to twelve. This adds up to about 16,200 students per year. Very different from Foresthood’s nine students. E: Wow! What class do you teach? C: I teach grade 54. For your information, that’s 5 year olds born in June. F: Are there any population problems in the coop? C: Absolutely. You know how many people are in my nest? 15. It’s not a big nest. In winter, of course, we keep each other warm and that’s nice. But in summer? We wheel in a gigantic fan and keep as much space in between us as possible. Every chicken hates summer. F: I remember, once when I was younger I wanted to be a chicken hunter like my dad and grandpa. I didn’t really understand what that was. So I went inside the coop, and I stayed there for three days. Cherry the Chicken, she let me stay with her and her family. Luckily it was during winter. E: How often do you leave the coop? C: Not very often. Every couple of years we go on holiday, everyone in the coop, usually around winter. And on March 3rd every year we go to the lake, just a big yellow ball of feathers rolling up the hill to the lake, where we swim all day. And sometimes Mr. Finagan sells one of us…but the last time he tried that we had a protest all around the Lakehouse and in Port Jervis. Eventually he relented. F: Is Mr. Finagan a good owner? C: Sure. He feeds us good and all that, he never eats us. He knows all of our names, no easy feat, because even I don’t know everyone’s names. However, we’re always asking him to fix up this coop. There are no defenses against predators and it’s extremely small for our population. E: I remember the election between Wally and Mr. Finagan. There have been rumours about your involvement. C: Pretty much, Wally threatened to murder us, so we went into town and voted. And well, no one can tell us apart so we went and voted like 5 times each. Not me, of course. I was too young to vote then. Obviously the kids weren’t voting. Sure, no one can tell the kids from the adults. But we’ve gotta keep some honor, you know? F: Well, this has been very enlightening. Thank you very much Charlie, and see you next time listeners! E: Bye!